Jungle Fever
by The Lone Pig
Summary: Mamoru gets lost in the jungle...
1. 1

PATCH: Hello, umm... I want to say something funny... something clever...   
but it's nearly one in the morning so I'm just not quite here right now. All   
I know is, we've gotta beat TLP up for that all too graphic description of   
Mamo-chan's... the d-word. Y'all know what I mean. To the bacon!! ^_^  
  
TLP: *scurries away to hide and continues writing in a darkened corner*  
  
  
Jungle Fever 1/2  
PG  
Comedy (as if it would be anything else from the above minds...)  
kittiekat90@yahoo.com  
thelonepig@hotmail.com  
  
  
  
"Ja ne Usako!" said Mamoru as he pecked his girlfriend lightly on the lips.  
  
Usagi smiled back. "See you later tonight Mamo-chan!"  
  
The red convertable sat in front of the two-story white house as Usagi ran   
up the walk and opened the door. She turned and blew Mamoru a kiss before   
entering and closing the door behind her.  
  
Mamoru smiled to himself before signaling and pulling out into the road.  
  
Usagi watched as the slick red car stopped at the end of the street before   
it took a right turn into oncoming traffic, merged across the median, and   
sped off. She sighed. No man was more perfect than her Mamo-chan, even   
with his driving record...  
  
... which is exactly what the tall, green-haired woman was thinking as she   
watched the young man speed away from where her car was parked across the   
street. She turned on the key, shifted into gear, and cut into traffic.  
  
She adjusted her sunglasses, tugged slightly on her miniskirt, and reached   
down for the ham-radio that sat neatly beneath the CD player. The woman's   
hand hesitated at the CD player long enough to press the play button. As   
her thumb pressed down the switch on the ham-radio speaker, the sound of   
tribal drums filled the car.  
  
"Kcus sbud," she pronounced through various clicks of her tongue.  
  
Similar clicking was heard finding its way back through the radio.   
"Elbatrevnoc taht gnivird ikho-oyr taht si, hsog ym ho."  
  
Mamoru was too busy singing along to the radio to notice the steady line of   
cars following him. The air pulsated with bass as another car joined the   
congo-line that was being formed.  
  
Several kids crowded in a pickup pulled alongside a Toyota Camry in the   
forming line. The driver, a young boy not over the age of seventeen, did   
the customary "head bob" to the women in the vehicle next to him as he eyed   
their short skirts. The boy sitting next to him leaned out the window and   
shouted "Hey baby, maybe you and I could rock that car without the radio on,   
if you know what I mean."  
  
The woman driving the Toyota Camry clicked her tongue violently at the boys,   
who simply took the gesture as a way of flirting and continued to cat-call.   
Their fun was sorely concluded as they found their car guided off the road   
and into a telephone booth.  
  
And from the car leading the motley parade of cars, Mamoru sang along with   
the radio.  
  
"Funny how our dreams come true! Like a fool..." His singing, off key and   
off sync as it was, made it appear as if he were a participant in the dub of   
a Hong Kong action movie.  
  
Many a person thought this tirade of bongo-drum bass-blaring bouncing cars   
was some sort of parade. And one of those afformentioned persons, an old   
lady who happened to live with her cats and had a permanent frown pasted on   
her wrinkly features, had decided that she did not like it one bit.  
  
The phone rang with such ferocity that the darn thing nearly shook itself   
off the secretary's desk. The blue garbed secretary stumbled over a stack   
of papers in an effort to reach the telephone.  
  
"Hello, Bokuto precinct, we're proud to serve the comm--"  
  
"I want to report a disturbance. There's a bunch of teenagers driving on   
the street with their radios too loud. It's disturbing my poor widdle   
kitties..."  
  
"Yes, ma'am... can I get your name and address?"  
  
And Mamoru continued to drive, still singing as poorly as he had and still   
blissfully unaware of the trouble stirring behind him. He stopped at the   
traffic light and signaled a right turn. A parade of cars behind him   
signaled right and pulled up behind him.  
  
Mamoru stepped on the gas pedal and turned the steering wheel as he eased   
out into the busy inter-city traffic. No sooner had he turned the corner   
than I police car pulled out of nowhere and flipped it's lights on.  
  
Signaling right yet again, Mamoru pulled his car up to the curb and waited   
for the officer to speak with him.  
  
"Young man?"  
  
"Yes Occifer?"  
  
The policeman did a doubletake. "Young man, are you drunk?"  
  
"Ie, sir, just nervous..." replied Mamoru.  
  
"Will you please step out of the car?"  
  
"Sir, is this really necessary?"  
  
"Young man, I've received calls about you causing a disturbance in the   
surrounding neighborhood and-"  
  
"Disturbance? Me?" His mind raced furiously as he tried to think of ways he   
might have possible offended the community at large. Out of the corner of   
his eye, he saw a group of women walking towards them, but he didn't take   
much of a notice.  
  
"Hai. We received a call from a few of the elderly and-"  
  
Suddenly the noise of deep tribal drums filled the air. The police officer   
noticed Mamoru's mouth fall open and his eyes go wide as he stared at   
something behind him. Curious, the officer pivoted around  
slowly, his hand automatically going for his gun, his body ready for any   
kind of assault.  
  
All thoughts of intelligence left both men's minds as they stared at the   
scene in front of them. Four women dressed quite scantily in leaves...   
leaves? Yes, leaves and rough cloth were dancing in front of them, their   
hips swaying a bit too provactively for any  
man's peace of mind.  
  
"What in tarnations...?" the police man mumbled, his eyes slightly glazing   
over at the *very* nice sight in front of him. Suddenly, he was conscious no   
more, as a club struck the back of his head and he went down to kiss the   
gravel.  
  
"Nani?" Mamoru suddenly yelled, breaking out of his trance. Usako would   
kill him, he thought frantically, if she ever heard word about this. He   
knelt down next to the officer, turning him over on his back.  
  
"Sir? Sir! Wake up, sir! What happened?"  
  
The congo drums became louder as people began to gather a few feet away   
watching this spectacle in amazement. They were either too dumbstruck to do   
anything or just too interested in watching what these *lovely* ladies would   
do next.  
  
Mamoru looked up and his eyes nearly popped out when he found a pair of legs   
right in front of him. He gulped and craned his neck upwards. Up and up...   
until he met the smiling face of a beautiful blonde.  
  
"Kami... I am dead," Mamoru breathed and the next thing he knew he had been   
picked up, lugged over someone's shoulder and was being taken away.  
  
"Put me down! Hey, put me down!"  
  
No one paid him any heed and for his yelling a hand slapped his butt. He   
yowled at such an indignity. "No one can touch me there except Usako!"  
  
He was shoved unceremoniously into the backseat of a car and two bodies...   
womanly bodies... squeezed next to him on either side.  
  
Why me? he thought miserably.  
  
Indeed, why Chiba Mamoru? Is he the man of every woman's dreams? Does he   
give off a suave, sophisticated air that just screams for attention? Is his   
butt just that cute? But returning to the subject at hand, Mamoru found the   
drive a long and hard one as the line of cars swiftly drove to the nearest   
highway and began their journey to the Tokyo International Airport.  
  
"Where are you taking me?! I'll have you know that I am a respectable   
citizen of Japan and have no intention of leaving this country!"  
  
The woman to the right clicked her tongue at the woman on his left. The   
other woman nodded and reached into a bag made of leaves. She pulled out a   
solid looking stick of bamboo that had been fashioned into a make-shift   
club.  
  
"What the..." managed Mamoru before the blunt object struck him on the head   
and he blacked out.  
  
A waiter spilled the tray he was carrying. A valet parking attendant ran   
the front of his car into a light post. A man dropped his luggage on his   
own foot, but was too busy staring slack jawed to notice. The busty brigade   
made its way across the airport and checked in only one piece of luggage: a   
black bag similar in weight and size to that of a human male -- the size, to   
be exact, of Chiba Mamoru.  
  
Aboard the plane, thirty women sat in their various seats among the other   
passengers. One of them, dressed in a tight-fitting, low-cut black dress   
stood and made her way to the cockpit.  
  
"Hey, passengers aren't allowed in the cockpit!" exclaimed one of the   
stewardesses as the amazon pushed passed her.  
  
"Keep her steady, I'm going to get a drink," said the captain, as he stood   
to leave the cockpit. He reached down to open the door that led to the rest   
of the plane, only to find his way blocked by a tall, scantily clad woman.   
The old captain's jaw dropped. The amazon bent down and kissed him on the   
lips. The captain smiled for a minute, before falling over, his lips blue   
from the poison.  
  
The copilot stood up and turned around. "What's going on he--" he managed,   
before falling to the floor unconcious. The amazon placed her club back   
into her bag and sat down in the pilot's chair. Another scanty seductress   
climbed into the cockpit and sat in the copilot seat. Both women fitted the   
headphones over their ears and adjusted the seats. Flipping a few dials and   
checking through the instrument readouts, the amazons turned the plane to a   
sharp Southern angle.  
  
Behind them, in the passenger section, the remaining amazons had lined up   
passengers and were busily engaged in handing them parachutes and pushing   
them from the plane's emergency exit.  
  
In the cargo hold, a very uncomfortable Mamoru bumped into and was squished   
with various parcels, baggage, and cages.  
  
"Why me?!" he wailed.  
  
  
  
Three days later:  
  
Tsukino Usagi had not seen her boyfriend in three long days. She pouted.   
"When I get my hands on that jerk, he'll know better than to not piss off   
his girlfriend!" She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling.   
"Oh, Mamo-chan... where are you?"  
  
Sitting back up, she turned on the TV, hoping *maybe* her Mamo-chan would   
appear on the 6 o'clock news... in a good way... meaning she hoped he   
wouldn't be found gagged and drowned in a creek...  
  
"Baka Usagi! Stop thinking such evil thoughts!" Usagi yelled at herself and   
then began to flick through the channels.  
  
It was still a bit too early for the news and she came to a stop when   
something green on the screen caught her eye. She turned up the volume and   
began to listen.  
  
"Today on Nature! You thought they had vanished from the face of the Earth!   
You thought they had never existed! You thought they were a legend made   
up by an insignificant ecchi man from the backwoods of Arkansas who had too   
much spare time on his hands! *deep breath* Well you're wrong because today   
we will take you *live* to the jungle... to  
see... the Beauties of the Amazon!"  
  
Usagi quirked an eyebrow as the corny Indiana Jones music began to play. Now   
this she had to see, she thought.  
  
The camera began to show different parts of the Amazon jungle, until it   
stopped at a village and began to close in.  
  
"Yes," the narrator began, "here in the deep depths of the Amazon live the   
Amazon Beauties! Women of extraordinary beauty and extraordinary strength.   
Careful! If you get too close, these lovely ladies  
have been known to give the 'Kiss of Death.' Which is why," and here the   
narrator laughed nervously, "we'll be keeping our distance. We've already   
had our share of kisses... But anyway! Let us take a closer look at the   
lives of these luscious... er... lascivious... er...  
interesting women!"  
  
The camera closed in on the village and viewers saw that these women were   
indeed *quite* the nice looking replicas of Aphrodite. They were scantily   
clad, wearing nothing but short, grass skirts and cocunut shells for bikini   
tops. It made for an interesting picture.  
  
"What fashion," Usagi said, staring at the screen. "Any man's dream, I would   
think."  
  
Not every man's, as we will soon find out.  
  
"In the past three days," the narrator began again, "we have noticed an   
unusual commotion at the Amazon's village. Some of the women came back  
from the forest carrying a large black bag over their shoulders. That very   
same evening they celebrated, having a huge feast and some very interesting   
dancing. They have continued to celebrate every day  
after that."  
  
"Pig," Usagi mumbled. "You can practically hear the lust in the guy's   
voice." But her eyes continued to stay glued to the screen.  
  
Suddenly, the women began to gather in the center of the village where a   
pole had been stuck in the ground. They all crowded around it  
and then parted, forming a path between them.  
  
"Now this has been a common occurance as of late. The women have gathered   
at the pole everyday for a very long time. They dance and sing for a while   
and then go back to their normal routine... but wait... what is this? I do   
believe something is about to happen!" the narrator spoke excitedly.  
  
Four women walked through the crowd, a long figure propped up between them.   
They walked up to the pole and then leaned the person against the pole as   
two other women tied the person to it.  
  
The figure moved a bit, as though he/she was struggling. The women began to   
murmur excitedly and then they began to shout and then  
they began to dance and then.... and then... they began to do something very   
odd.  
  
"What can they be doing?" the narrator asked to no one in particular, quite   
puzzled himself.  
  
"What are they doing?" Usagi asked also, sitting up and leaning forward a   
little.  
  
The women were dancing in a circle. Occasionally, a woman would separate   
herself from the circle and dance up to the figure and then sway her hips   
*quite* provactively against the figure's.  
  
"Kami... what I would do to be in that person's place..." the narrator   
drooled.  
  
Usagi rolled her eyes and then leaned in closer to get a better look at the   
fortunate... or unfortunate --depending on how you look at it--  
person tied to the pole.  
  
"Oh Kami..." her eyes grew wide and she rubbed them once and rubbed them   
again.  
  
As she watched the narrator spoke again.  
  
"Ah, we see what they're doing! Camera man get in closer! You see, ladies   
and gentleman, our fortunate victim, a man at that, has become lucky enough   
to become the breeding stud of the Amazons!"  
  
The camera panned in showing a tall, very good looking man, with a mop of   
thick black hair and sexy blue eyes. A woman's dream and an Amazon's prize   
possession.  
  
Somewhere in the world a shrill scream rent the air and was soon followed by   
a very prominent *thump*... the sound of a girlfriend  
falling to the floor in a dead faint.  
  
===================================================  
Oh dear, what difficulties has our dear Mamo-chan gotten himself into? What   
will happen to him? Why can't I be in his place? Tune in next time for the   
exciting conclusion of Jungle Fever!  
  



	2. 2

TLP: Part 2 of the shortest fic I've ever written and  
the third I've ever actually finished. Golly, this is  
going to turn into a bad habit. I'd like to thank  
everyone for reading and Patch for putting up with me.  
*waves*   
ENJOY!  
  
Patch: Minna, give TLP the credit for this fic, it  
was his fic originally and I was quite honored to  
co-write it with him. Thank you TLP!!! Anyhoo, enjoy  
this one and umm... just enjoy!  
  
  
Jungle Fever 1/2  
PG  
Comedy (as if it would be anything else from the above  
minds...)  
kittiekat90@yahoo.com  
thelonepig@hotmail.com  
  
  
  
  
"Usagi-chan? Usagi-chan? Daijobu ka?"  
  
Usagi's eyes flittered open just as a bucket of water  
found its mark across her face. She shot up with a  
start.  
  
"See, I told you it would work," said Makoto  
pleasantly.  
  
Usagi looked angrily at Rei, who happened to be  
holding a water bucket. Rei quickly hid it behind her  
back. The look of anger faded as Usagi looked at   
the sullen expressions that had come over each of her  
friend's faces.  
  
"Nani? What's going on guys?"  
  
"We just saw the news," spoke Ami dejectedly. "We're  
sorry for you Usagi."  
  
"The news?" inquired Usagi, completely lost.  
  
"Hai, about Mamoru," said Minako.  
  
Usagi suddenly remembered the Nature special she had  
seen before. "Why that... grr... when he comes  
back..."  
  
"Usagi, the veins in your neck are about to burst,"  
said Ami.  
  
"Lighten up girl, it's not like that, I'm sure," said  
Lita.  
  
Ami produced a video tape and pressed it into the VCR.  
A picture flared up   
on the screen.  
  
"Next time on Burning Hearts of Desire. Miri loves  
Miki, but will Miki show his love instead for Hikari?   
And what does Shana have to say about all this? Will  
Grace finally take revenge on Meredith for stealing  
Peter from her? Find out next time on--" The sound  
suddenly cut off as Ami pressed the fast-forward  
button, blushing furiously.  
  
Everyone sweatdropped.  
  
"Ah, here it is!" cried Ami, pressing the play button  
and stepping aside so everyone could see.  
  
The newscaster sat behind his desk. "...The President  
is expected to visit later today to give his comments  
on the meeting." A paper was suddenly handed to him  
from off-screen. "This just in. Apparently a filming  
  
crew for the television show "Nature" has been  
kidnapped by the very amazons they were studying. We  
go live to our on-the-spot reporter TL Perry."  
  
The camera switched suddenly to a silly looking  
reporter holding a microphone and yelling above the  
sounds of a helicoptor motor.  
  
"We are here flying high above the scene where only  
moments ago, tragedy struck." The news anchor's voice  
continued as the cameraman panned in on the scene  
below. Several men were hog-tied to poles in the  
center of a make-shift village. "It looks like, yes  
it is. The men we see below are a film crew for the  
television show 'Nature.' The military doesn't know   
how to take care of the situation, but have called for  
an immediate mobilization in the area. Now, back to  
our main studio."  
  
The camera once again found itself on the man in the  
newsroom. He coughed nervously and adjusted himself  
as he spoke the words that every other male in the  
room was thinking. "What an unfortunate incident to  
befall those... lucky... lucky... men." He glanced  
once more at the footage still being taken from the  
helicopter, then straightened his tie and turned back  
to the camera. "In other news, police have been  
called in to remove an army of girls from one Meredith  
Mallory's kitchen. The girls state that her evil   
cliffhangers have merited such a reacti--"  
  
Ami turned off the television and looked at the others  
questioningly.  
  
"So what do we do now?" Makoto asked.  
  
"We go there, of course!" Usagi answered. "And then I  
drag Mamo-chan back by the ear and-"  
  
"Why don't we just let the authorities handle this  
Usagi-chan?" Ami cut in quickly, not liking the evil  
look on her leader's face.  
  
"No... I think I want to go there and challenge some  
of those Amazons to some fights," Makoto said  
excitedly, staring at the now black screen of the TV.  
  
"And I have got to ask those girls their beauty  
secrets," Minako added. "That smooth complexion...  
there's got to be something behind getting such   
perfect skin," she said dreamily.  
  
The others just looked at Minako's already perfect,  
unmarred face and could only shake their heads.  
  
"So it's settled then," Rei spoke, "we use Sailor  
Teleport and do our usual saving the victims routine  
then come back."  
  
"Demo... I don't think those men wanted saving,"  
Minako interrupted, looking doubtful.  
  
"Oh, Mamo-chan *will* be wanting some kind of saving  
when I'm done with him," Usagi said, her eyes  
gleaming, her hands rubbing together.  
  
The others just sweatdropped.  
  
"Minna.. shouldn't we have told Luna and Artemis where  
we were heading?"  
  
The Senshi were traveling through the air swiftly  
shielded by the powers of the Teleport.  
  
"Nah," Makoto answered, "they'll know soon enough when  
they see us on TV."  
  
"Nani?" Ami squeaked. To be seen by millions among  
such heathen as the Amazon?  
  
"But I don't want to be seen on TV!" was the  
resounding wail that was heard by anyone who happened  
to be passing under the flash of light that traveled   
overhead.  
  
They crashed through the canopy of tall trees and fell  
to a heap on the jungle floor.  
  
"Who the heck was steering that thing?" Makoto asked,  
rubbing her arm where she had hit it on a jutting  
limb.  
  
"Who do you think? Our leader, the Odango Atama," Rei  
answered, flipping her head in Usagi's direction.  
  
"Shut up Rei!" Usagi shot back.  
  
"You probably couldn't have done a better job!"  
  
"Bet you I could have!"  
  
"Bet not!"  
  
"Bet too!"  
  
"Bet not!"  
  
"Uh... guys, what do we about these natives staring at  
us?" Minako asked suddenly.  
  
The other four Senshi turned slowly and met the faces  
of six... tall... correction, very tall... as in  
Makoto tall... very beautiful... Amazons.  
  
"This was not in the plan," Usagi murmured, staring at  
the sight before her.  
  
"It's your fault," Rei said, staring also. "What do we  
do now?"  
  
Suddenly Ami stepped up, holding some sort of gadget  
and it flashed an almost blinding, white light.  
  
"Whoa, Ami-chan, what was that?!"  
  
Minako asked, shielding her eyes.  
  
The blue haired Senshi turned back taking off black  
sunglasses, a small smile on her face. "It's a  
neuralizer."  
  
The other four stared at her, their mouths agape in  
amazement.  
  
"Where were you able to find one of those?" Usagi  
questioned, finally finding her voice.  
  
"Hey, if the Men in Black can have one, why can't the  
Woman in Blue?" she said, grinning.  
  
"Those dudes are real?" Minako asked.  
  
"Hai, they're the American version of us," Ami  
informed the group.  
  
Makoto snorted. "But we could kick their butts  
anytime."  
  
"Um... Ami, when I saw the movie, didn't you have to  
tell the person a story or something to make them  
forget?" Usagi asked, waving her hand back and   
forth in front of the Amazons' now blank faces.  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Great." Usagi smiled evilly and then turned to the  
six woman. "You six are women who have no interest in  
my Mamo-chan whatsoever. You do not remember any  
"breeding" festivities and you will wander the jungle  
for a few days before returning to the village."  
  
"Isn't that a bit harsh, Usagi-chan?"  
  
Minako asked coming up to stand next to her friend.  
  
"Serves them right."  
  
"So, what's the plan?"  
  
"We gag Mamo-chan and then it'll be up to me to see  
fit his punishment!"  
  
*Sweatdrop*  
  
"Usagi-chan, you should really calm down, maybe Mamoru  
didn't go *willingly*."  
  
"What hot-blooded man wouldn't?"  
  
This from Minako who received a glare from Rei.  
  
"Well, it appears we will have to dress up as the  
natives to fit in," Amy pointed out.  
  
"Sugoi! Those cocunut shells will only enhance my-  
mmmph!"  
  
"We don't want to hear it, Minako-chan," Makoto said  
quickly as she clapped a hand over the girl's mouth.  
She looked over at the others. "So how do we   
get the stuff?"  
  
The other three looked back at her expectantly. In  
response Makoto grinned.  
  
"Oh, hai, I guess I'll handle that part."  
  
Minutes later, Makoto returned with a wide grin on her  
face, cocunut 'tops' in one hand, and grass skirts in  
the other.  
  
"They're such easy targets," she said proudly.  
  
Everyone sweatdropped... again.  
  
  
  
A Chiba Mamoru stood tied to a wooden pole. What  
exactly were these beauties planning on doing with  
him? A new set of hips provocatively swayed   
in front of his eyes. A large pair of breasts bounced  
before him, barely contained in the coconut-double-D  
cups. Mamoru wailed. "If I don't see another pair of  
breasts in my life, it will be too soon!"  
  
He glanced longingly at the table at which several  
other men feasted. "Why can't I be with them?   
Eating?"  
  
Similarly, the men from the Nature filming crew were  
wondering why they couldn't be in Mamoru's place.   
"Why can't we be in his place? Fanservice..." They  
drooled, but not at the food.  
  
Usagi peered from the bushes. Her lower lip stuck out  
in a pout. "I have never gotten that close to  
Mamo-chan!"  
  
Ami gave the voice of reason to the conversation as  
she shifted uncomfortably in her outfit. "How are we  
going to get him?"  
  
"And," added Rei. "Are we going to even bother with  
those dirty old perverts at the table?"  
  
Usagi cried. "I just want my Mamo-chan back!" Tears  
poured in waterfalls from her eyes.  
  
Makoto had an idea. "Why don't we just walk in there  
and get him?"  
  
Minako blinked. "Just go in? Like we are now? NO  
WAY! They'd catch us in the blink of an eye! We  
don't even compare to what they look like.   
I'm the only one that wouldn't stick out like a sore  
thumb!"  
  
"That is the dumbest idea ever! We wouldn't stand a  
chance!" hissed Rei.  
  
"It's absolutely brilliant!" said Ami.  
  
Everyone looked at her and blinked.  
  
"They would never expect it. We could walk in, take  
Mamoru, and walk out without a hitch. Just follow my  
lead." And with that, Ami was walking from the bushes  
into the village. The others followed in immediate   
single-file.  
  
Several amazons turned to glare at the newcomers as  
they marched into the camp.  
  
"Ami, I don't think this is working," whispered Rei  
quietly.  
  
"For once, I'm going to have to agree with you Rei,"  
replied Ami. "Perhaps a strategic withdrawl is in  
order?"  
  
"What are you two talking about," muttered Minako.   
"You're just not doing it right! Here, follow my  
lead."  
  
Minako took over the lead and began dancing very, very  
provocatively. Everyone sweatdropped. "C'mon minna,  
what are you waiting for. If you don't we may never  
see Mamoru again."  
  
Those words seemed to strike a chord in Usagi's mind,  
who began to mimic Mina with all the grace of a  
parapalegic tiger. The others resigned themselves to  
the same fate, dancing a very enticing congo-line to  
the pole that held Mamoru.  
  
From the feasting corner of the camp, the crew of  
Nature catcalled.  
  
"Hey baby, would you like any fries with that shake?   
Owowowowoooo!"  
  
Usagi shot the typical males at the table a look that  
only a female could muster, but managed to continue  
the embarassing dance. The amazons parted   
ways to let the motley crew step forward, some  
applauding and others clicking their tongues in  
support. The appreciative atmosphere egged on the   
quintet of embarrassed females. Rei was the first to  
start lose her self-composure and began swaying wildly  
to the immediate hysterics of the crowd. The others  
followed suit, first Makoto, then Usagi, and finally   
shy-little Ami. They danced directly up to the pole  
in the center of the village and surrounded it,  
dancing in a circle before Mamoru. Everytime   
Usagi passed him, she shot him a look that could kill  
and muttered some bizarre way in which she would kill  
him when they got home.  
  
The drums came to a climax and the five girls danced  
furiously until, throwing their arms in the air, the  
music stopped. Wild applause filled the   
whole camp.  
  
"Now?" inquired Makoto hesitantly.  
  
"Now," replied Ami nodding.  
  
The five girls bent over the pole and tried to pull it  
from the ground.  
  
"If I feel your eyes wandering in the least..."  
threatened Usagi. Mamoru blushed furiously and closed  
his eyes. "Mamoru, that had better be something you  
have in your pocket poking me in the ribs."  
  
Mamoru blushed even more furiously and shut his eyes  
tighter muttering something under his breath  
repeatedly. "There's no place like home, there's   
no place like home, there's no place like..."  
  
Hoisting the pole between their shoulders, the girls  
began to walk out of the village the way they had  
come. The amazons were in an uproar, smiling   
and laughing at the antics these girls had created.   
The five girls waved and smiled as if on a float.  
  
"Elbow, elbow, wrist wrist wrist," said Minako under  
her breath as she waved.  
  
The girls danced the pole and Mamoru right out of the  
village and into the surrounding jungle. The applause  
continued for the exact time it took the amazons to  
realize that, maybe, just maybe, these girls weren't  
coming back.  
  
The five Senshi continued to sway and dance well into  
the forest, just for safety's sake until Mamoru's  
voice reached their ears.  
  
"Hey guys, mind letting me down now? This rocking is  
pushing the pole against my back. It hurts!"  
  
"You are going to be hurting so much more love, when  
I'm through with *you*!" Usagi called up and slapped  
her boyfriend's butt for good measure.  
  
"Itai! Usako, what did I ever do to you?!"  
  
The girls who had been previously snickering before  
stopped dead and suddenly the forest seemed very, very  
quiet, except for the sound of steam coming from  
someone's ears. It was an interesting... hissing  
noise.  
  
"Minna! Let him down right now!" Usagi yelled.  
  
The girls did as she said and let Mamoru down... with  
not the slightest bit of kindness. The pole was jarred  
into the ground and Mamoru found himself thinking that  
deja vu was the right word for this all too familiar  
situation.  
  
Five very beautiful woman stood in front of him...  
scantily clothed, their eyes gleaming with a  
purpose... directed towards him.  
  
"You dare to ask that question, Mamo-chan?" Usagi  
asked menacingly.  
  
Mamoru gulped nervously. His girlfriend didn't look  
quite pleased with him at the moment. But he couldn't  
find any reason why she should be so unhappy. He had  
done nothing wrong!  
  
Men... so thickheaded, ne? ^_^  
  
"Gomen ne, Usako... demo, what did I do wrong?"  
  
Usagi's mean glare fell away and in place of it, her  
lower lip began to tremble, her chin started quivering  
and her eyes became watery.  
  
"Oh Kami no, not here!" Rei sighed. She sighed even  
louder when Usagi suddenly pushed past all of them and  
ran deeper into the forest.  
  
"Usako! Matte!" Mamoru tried to struggle against his  
bonds but it was useless. Those Amazons knew their  
knots. He turned his head to stare at the others.  
"Aren't you even going to chase after her?!"  
  
"We've got other things to worry about! The Amazons  
are coming!" Minako yelled.  
  
"Run for it!"  
  
The girls ran and for a moment everything was silent.  
  
Mamoru still stood stuck to the pole, his jaw wide  
open at the fact that he had just been *left* there to  
face... those.. women.  
  
"Oops, forgot the goods!" Makoto pulled the pole up as  
the others rushed back and helped her.  
  
"Usagi-chan would have our heads if anything happened  
to you, so be grateful!" Ami said, looking over her  
shoulder and then squeaking when she   
saw the approaching Amazons. "Hurry up!"  
  
"At least she won't be having our manhood like Tux-boy  
over here," Rei said, huffing.  
  
The sound of a helicopter ready to lift off filled the  
air and as they ran into a clearing, Mamoru lifted his  
head to see Usagi sitting in the pilot seat of the  
news helicopter.  
  
"How do you steer this thing?!"  
  
Ami pushed herself up to sit next to Usagi as the  
others piled into the back, Mamoru now loosened from  
his restraints.. "You don't steer, you pull!"  
  
"Like this?" Usagi pulled the stick towards her and  
the helicopter shot up at an ear popping pace.  
  
Everyone squealed and hung on tight as Usagi tried her  
best to maneuver the helicopter away from the trees.  
  
"Okay, left, left, right, away from that tree," she  
mumbled, her tongue sticking out slightly, her eyes  
narrowed. She was concentrating quite hard....  
  
... While everyone was screaming.  
  
"Usagi-chan! Don't you dare kill us!"  
  
"I want to survive this with all my body parts intact  
Usagi-chan!"  
  
"Please concentrate Usagi-chan!"  
  
"Usako, I will buy you anything, just please stay  
safe!"  
  
At that one, Usagi turned her head. "Hah! You're not  
buying me out of this one!"  
  
"Usagi-chan, please keep your eyes on the... tree!"   
Ami finished, shrieking and covering her eyes.  
  
"Shimatta! Going up!"  
  
Finally they had cleared the jungle and were now  
heading out over the sparkling, blue ocean. Everyone  
sighed with relief and sat back.  
  
"Hey minna, how about we use our Sailor Power to get  
this thing speeding along?" Makoto suggested.  
  
"Good idea, the faster we get home, the faster I get  
to have a *little* talk with Mamo-chan," Usagi grinned  
evilly.  
  
"You girls can take your time!"  
  
But no one paid Mamoru any heed as the helicopter  
suddenly began to glow and then disappeared in a shot  
of light.  
  
  
  
Hours later found Usagi sitting on the floor of the  
helicopter, her legs dangling and Mamoru leaning  
against it, next to her.  
  
The others had gone home, walking away tiredly but not  
before giving some sympathetic looks to Mamoru.  
  
"Do you think they'll realize they walked home wearing  
grass skirts and cocunut shells?" Mamoru wondered  
outloud.  
  
"Once the people start staring, maybe, maybe not."  
  
After a moment of silence, Mamoru turned his head to  
look at his girlfriend. Her head was bowed and she was  
tracing a pattern with her fingers on the floor of the  
helicopter.  
  
"Ne, Usako, what's on your mind?"  
  
Usako stayed quiet and then her piercing wail hit his  
ears. "Your lost innocence!!"  
  
"Nani?!"  
  
"Your innocence Mamo-chan! It belongs to me... and...  
and you just gave it away!!"  
  
"M...m...my innocence?!" blurted out Mamoru.  
  
Usagi cried. "My boyfriend is dirty now!"  
  
"Usagi, I'm fine, they didn't take anything from me."  
  
"Really? Promise?" Usagi asked, sniffling.  
  
"I promise."  
  
The couple embraced in a hug.  
  
"Ne, Mamo-chan, you love me more than any of those  
girls, right?"  
  
"Hai, Usako... I love you more than life itself."  
  
Usagi smiled happily as Mamoru leaned over her to give  
her a most reassuring kiss. In response, she sighed  
happily and kissed him back until they broke away.  
  
Usagi glanced up longingly into her boyfriend's eyes.   
Mamoru cleared his throat and spoke lowly. "Anou, you  
could perhaps grow out a bit more..."  
  
The resounding smack of an upset girlfriend slapping  
her boyfriend filled the park. And all around, the  
locals stared, wondering exactly why there was a  
helicopter parked in the park and who had hired the  
exotic dancers.  
  
The End!  
So do tell us folks! Feedback is always, always nice  
and um flames... well they're just not very nice.   
^_^  
  



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